Reflection

I went out for a rare date with SnugMan last night. It was lovely, although, as usual, it wasn’t long before the conversation turned to work. We talked about what we hope to do in the future, how things are going at the moment, and also about how far SnugBaby (and me personally) have come since starting out almost 2 years ago.

In my previous life BC (before children) I had a good job, with an associated degree and professional qualifications. I was a dispensing optician, and managed the high street branch of a major optical chain, and did a pretty good job of it, if I do say so myself. But having children changes you, or at least it changed me.

Before children, I was confident of my abilities, able to make important decisions, happy with myself and my appearance.

After having SnugBoy#1 I went back to work part time, but I was never as happy (I hated leaving him) and I was quite pleased to become a full time mum when we moved back to Cumbria, although it did quickly become a bit boring.  But I seem to have become really bad at making a decisions and suffer from a severe lack of confidence, both of  my capabilities and of myself in terms of appearance.

During the course of our date, SnugMan actually made me shed a little tear by telling me how proud he is of me. He pointed out all the things I have learnt, without any guidance, and told me how frustrating it is for him when I insist on asking his opinion on things that I can do by myself.

And he made me realise he is right. I am quite good at this, actually. I don’t mean that in an arrogant way, but I am running a successful business, all of my own doing. And yes, I had a piece of paper to say I was good at my last job – but it also applies to this job too (my degree is Ophthalmic Dispensing with Management). I make important decisions on a day to day basis, and I must be making them right, or I wouldn’t have a business.

So, I am going to try to be more self-confident. Not sure how, yet, but I am going to try. I love that he is proud of me, and I am going to try to make him even prouder.

I would love to hear your thoughts about how children have changed you. Or maybe it was the change in circumstances, so make that how any changes to your life have changed you as a person.

And if anyone has any confidence tips or ways to boost my self-esteem, I would love to hear them too.